The Types of People Jo Abso-fucking-lutely Hates
1. Girls with damn thick fringes and think they look like cute China dolls, and whenever they pose, they open their eyes damn big to depict a China doll. Please lah, when I look at you I just want to pull your freaking wig off and feed it to the naked mole rats.
2. Beautiful people who slouch when they walk. Please lah, I just want to slap your back just so you don't end up with a hump in the wrong place. Walk with CONFIDENCE.
3. Guys who leave the top 3-4 buttons unbuttoned in order to show off skin and non-existent chest hair, especially those in school who try to look 'cool'. Please lah, no one wants to see your nipples or your man-boobs, you bloody gigolo.
4. People who post up endless close-up photos of themselves on their blog/friendster/facebook/etc all wearing the same freaking clothes with the same freaking background and the camera is placed at different angles. Please lah, if you look ugly from one side, stop trying already.
5. One half of a couple that posts up endless close-up photos of him/her and his/her girl/boyfriend of one occasion. Please lah, we know you are together, don't have to slap pictures of yourselves acting like conjoined twins joined at the head, showing the same picture over and over again from different angles. And don't get me started on couples that post up pictures of themselves playing tonsil hockey.
6. Bloggers who type in stupid sentences, use excessive IM language (ctc, omfg, wth, fren, wat), use capital letters for everything, have horrible spelling and use non-stop ellipses (the dot dot dot thing, '...'). Please lah, study properly, read lots of books, maybe one day you will pass your O' Level English Language examination. Maybe.
7. Bloggers who are just so god damn boring, they blog about their everyday outings, every tiny little joke made, and name drop everybody they meet. For example, 'Oh, and I went to Gadong again yesterday with my babes. So boring ah, not a lot of people there. Oh, and I met Kaka Bubu, Homo Koko, Sarah, Lisa, Kiki, Billy, Gerrard, Penny, Ali, Ahmad, Siti, Mui Mui, Ray, Mimi and Gina dahlinggsssss. Oh my gawd, I haven't seen them in soooooo long. And Homo Koko changed his hair stlye already. Looks so hawt yeah, hehehehehehheeh. (Don't get so kambang worrrr~~~) hehehe. ^_^' Please lah, go jump off a building, that would be so much more interesting.
8. Girls who wear brightly-coloured tights that cut off below the knees and above the ankles or, even worse, those that just go all the way down to the soles of the feet. Please lah, return those ugly things, you look like those rejected ballet dancers that have to cover their hairy legs.
9. People who wear Croc shoes or whatever the hell they are called. They come in so many colours but in one ugly style and in one stupid material. Please lah, this is the biggest fucking fashion crime of the millennium, I can forgive you for wearing tights, but if you wear Crocs in front of me, I'm going to chain you to a log, drop you off at Brunei River and let the mythical white crocodiles eat you alive.
10. People who pose with peace signs, with their index finger pointing at their face, with their hands framing their cheeks and with one eye closed to look as if they are winking at you (this one usually accompanied by a tongue sticking out of the side of their mouths). Please lah, these supposedly 'cute' poses will only work if you are still in diapers. Looking at you pose like that just makes me want poke you with a pencil. Really painfully.
11. Drivers who change lanes without signaling. Please lah, people like you just makes me want to ram your bumper. Bitch.
12. People who dance with their mouths pouted like a goldfish and think they look cool and as if they dance like a professional. A little pout I don't mind, but if you start pouting like you got stung by a bee/wasp on both your lips, you crossed the line (my line, actually). Please lah, if you pout like that when you dance, you probably aren't a good dancer in the first place. Please just stand by the wall. Please.
13. Girls who wear boots in equatorial Brunei. Yes, it's just so fashionable, yeah? Gosh, you are probably attracting lots of attention when you wear boots with that mini skirt, right? Please lah, your feet probably stink like rotten fish. Yea, how sexy is that? Attention whore. Whore.
14. Girls who never shave/pluck their hairy armpits and wear sleeveless tops. PLEASE, I'll even pay for the shaver, as long as you shave those unsightly monsters.
15. Photo bloggers who post up photos of crap. Yes, the detail on that single grass is so refined. And that fork on the table looks awesome, the colour is just so vibrant. WHO BLOODY CARES?! Please lah, take pictures of things that are actually worth taking.
16. Angry/emo bloggers (yes, you may include me in this category if you wish, or not, who fucking cares?). I just hate them, especially those who swear like sailors, write poetry that rhymes like a hamster and post pictures of themselves wearing my one month's worth of eyeliner. Please lah, just go back to using secret diaries, it'll save our eyes from bleeding.
17. People who are late, especially those who do not bother calling or messaging you to say that they will be late. I HATE WAITING. Go to hell if you made me wait.
18. Party-poopers. HMPPPPHHHH. You guys suck. 'Nuff said.
19. Guys who try to hit on girls that walk pass by whistling at them, by saying 'hi' in an as-if-seductive way, by giving a horny smile, by saying, 'oh, sexy yea', or by asking 'boleh berkenalan?' And then they go off giggling like high school girls to their buddies. Please lah, having sex with a blow-up doll or with your 'buddies' won't make you any happier. Committing suicide, on the other hand, will.
20. People who read my blog, but are jealous and they pretend they don't. And when I tell them I do blog, or talk about something that I blogged about, they give this stupid fake surprised expression and go, 'Oh, really?!' Please lah, go fuck yourself.
P.S. I don't usually swear so much in real life. I'm a lot nicer too.
